|Sunday, July 20th, 2008|
|new poem titled "Shh..."
My blood is trapped.
I hold it in,
My shoulders are so heavy.
My mind is cold,
But my body is burning.
My mouth smiles,
and I feel nothing.
My skin is silent,
but it whispers my secrets.
My pain is real,
yet I'm a stranger to emotions.
My eyes are bright,
They hide my tortured soul.
I will keep smiling,
But I won't feel.
My pain will grow,
Still I'll never cry.
My eyes will shine,
And hold my lies.
But my skin will SCREAM!
And my blood will escape!
|Monday, July 2nd, 2007|
so i have been really weird lately kinda of angry and depressed and uninterested in things. i've have had a really bad attitude...well I was admitted to Mass gen hosp on Friday and came home Saturday i have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes so I am started to get things back onto gear and i am hoping to go back to church and work ands start living life again and not watch it go by
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Current Mood: energetic
|Friday, April 20th, 2007|
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people who responded to my previous post i jsut needed to vent and get it out of my system. i actually didn't expect anyone to read it i mena i haven't posted in like 10 months.. but thank you al for your support and I think i'll take this to the professionals now...
|Thursday, April 19th, 2007|
I have been getting really depressed lately all my family does is make me feel like shit and almost worthless. if my moms eats all her cheese sticks she goes around and tells everyone i ate it fuck you and my brother came home from work last night and says you didn't eat all my pizza did you?/ you mother fucker like i'm gonna come home and eat an entire pizza and one thats not mine fuck you1!! so i'm he big fat smelly slo id who can't do anything right i may be fat ut i do not eat peoples food!!!! i couldn't take it after a year of build p i crack and i cut for the first time in a year. I hate to admit it but it felt great i literally loved it. this is strange but when i was doing it i got like an erection and i almost had an orgasm it was so intense. i was in ecstacy for like 15 minutes just sitting panting in bliss. i hate that I loved it! Current Mood: numb
I have been getting really depressed lately all my family does is make me feel like shit and almost worthless. if my moms eats all hercheese stics she goes around and tels everyone i ate it fuck you and my brother came home from work last night and says you didn't eat all my pizza did you?/ you mother fucker like i'm gonna come home and eat an entire pizza and one thats not mine fuck you1!! so i'm he big fat smelly slo id who can't do anything right i may be fat ut i do not eat poeples food!!!! i couldn' ttake it after a year of build p i crack and i cut for the first time in a year. I hate to admit it but it felt great i litterally loved it. this is strange but whne i was doing it i got like an erection and i almost had an orgasm it was so intense. i was in exstacy for like 15 minutes just sitting panting in bliss. i hate that I loved it! Current Mood: numb
|Sunday, April 9th, 2006|
Hey ya'll I just to work I was 15 minutes late when i was supposed to be working in the store totally forgot!!! not a very smart move!!! so i get here log on and go to myspace ACCESS DENIED AAHH wqhAt do I do with my lilfe no myspace or aim!!!!!!!!! those bastards!! so here i am and all i can do is go into livejournal im kinda uppset I have to go somewear and I was late today so ithink georgia wont let me leave eraly!!!!!! man that sucks well thanks for listening bye now Current Mood: annoyed
|Wednesday, April 6th, 2005|
Hello I have some bad news I have recently fallen into old habits... I wish I hadn't... for the past couple weeks I have been cutting again... My legs are covered all over =(..... I have been doing off and on for 6 years now and I think its about damn time I stopped... I have been "uncut" since last augast thats was like 7 months.. and I blew it and I now remember how much relief I got from it and how much it "helped" but I always forget that it causes more promblems.... aahh.. I have promised my great grandmother that I was gonna stop so I must now!! becuase I let it get to the point wear if I dont do it then I can't function it was how I got through the day ahh... wel those days are over and I haven't cut since saturday night woot Im gonna stuck to it!!
well thanks for listening to me wine lololoo... night now Current Mood: calm
|Thursday, February 24th, 2005|
AAHAHHHH I FUCKING HTE PEOPLE SO MUCH............. WELL PEOPLE LIKE TO SAY THERE REAL GOOD FRIENDS WITH ME THEN THEY GO AND MAKE FUN OF MY FRIEND OF FUCKING 6 YEARS I DON'T THINK SO SRRY YOUR DONE BITCH....... I DONT NEED THIS SHIT I HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRIE ABOUT IM SO PISSED I JUST WANNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF.....I HATE EVERYONE SO MUCH WHY DO PEOPLE SUCK
|Thursday, February 17th, 2005|
okay so yesterday I was so bored and then katie called me and we went to kohls and bouhgt some stuff... It was very exciting!!! lol .. then I got hom eand decided that I was gonna hang with Amy skeeve and Eric We wnet to Skeves house and watched saw.. it was ok after that we went went to bring eric home but he sis nt eant to go home so we went to the park and played hide and seek.. then we brought eric home... WE gave eachother a good night kiss it was good it wa a double take woot woot.. Im gonna hang with him on saturday dn im pumped I cant wait to kiss him again woot woot.. im a dork.. I watceh Birds last night it was great.. well hey yall I mut be off its time to work lololol.. c y'all later... Current Mood: chipper
|Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005|
today I woke up and then I did homework with katie and watched some salad fingers katie go tme hooked heheheh... Then I went to the mall and bought the rapture cd and some T-shirts and a guage 8 tongue ring a pendulum and yeah thats it then i went to my friend katies grandparents house to see how they are because there sick.. and then I came home and watched American Idol.. and came on here.. Im bumbed becuase I have school tomm it is gonna suck aahhhh... I haven't beenin school since the thursday before last thats a long time.. hehe i hate school...... well night fo rnow c yall tomm... Current Mood: artistic
|Tuesday, February 1st, 2005|
OKAY TODAY SUCKED SO BAD I WENT TO GO GET PERMIT AGAIN BECUASE MINE EXPIRED ADN THE PLACE WOULDNT GIVE IT TO ME THEY TOLD ME TO COME BACK WHEN I HAD A PROOF OF ADDRESS WHEN I HAD MY MAIL WITH MY W2'S IN IT AND THEY WOULDNT TAKE IT.. SO THAT SUXED THEN I GOT HOME AND TOOK A SHOWER AND TOLD MY MOM I WAS READY TO GO TO WORK AND STARTED STOMPING AND CRYING BECAUSE SHE EWAS GOING TO MISS HER LINE AND IT WAS ALL MY FAULT AND IT WAS MY FAULT WHEN WE CAN'T AFFORD THINGS AND BECUASE OF ME SHE LOOSES 1400 DOLLARS A MONTH AND I AM RESPONSIBLE THEN SHE STARTD SCREAMING AT ME AND TELLING ME i HAVE TO FND A NEW WAY TO GET TO WORK BECUASE SHE WONT TAKE ME ANYMORE SO I PROBLY HAVE TO QUIT MY JOB BECUASE I HAVE NO WAY TO GET THERE.... THEN IT WAS MY FAULT HER COMP BROKE AND SHE DOWNLOCD PICS... SND ITS MY FAULT THAT SHE CANT DO ANYTHING AND ITS MY FAULT SHE KEEPS CANCELING APOINTMENTS AND I'M BEING A BURDOND IN EVERYONE LIVES... WELL IF I'M BEING SUCH A ING BURDEND IN THERE LICVES THEN WHY AM I IN THERE LIVES... AND TO TOP IT OFF TODAY AT WORK I GOT THE SHAFT BECUASE EVERY ONE LEFT AT 750 AND I WAS STUCK CLEANING AGAIN WHAT A IGN SUPRISE... AND IM ED BECUASE NICK KIM AND KAYLA ATE AT 7 AND THEN WERE LIKE OKAY WELL FINISH WHILE YOU EAT ADN WE GOT BACK AND ALL THEY DID CLEAR LIKE 5 TABLES SO I HAD TO CLEAN BOTH WAITSTATIONS AND THEY ALL LEFT WITHOUT FINISHING THE TABLES I HAD TO CLEAR A TABLE STILL AFTER THEY LEFT AAAHHH I WAS SO MAD... THEY NEVER EVEN HAD PROMITION TO LEAVE THEY JUST DID AND WHITNEY ASKED DID THEY SAY WE COULD LEAVE AND I SAID NO BUT SHE STILL LEFT ANYWAY IM SO SICK OF THIS IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON HERE WHY CANT ANYONE ELS HELP AT END OF THE NIGHT AAHAHA. IT MAKES NO SENSE BECAUSE ME WHITNEY JADE CAITLIN ADN AMANDA WERE ALL TALKNG ABOUT HOW WHEN WE GET OUT THERE NOTHING WILL BE DONE AND THEY WONT DO IT THEN ALL OF THEM LEFT ME THERE TO FINISH I AM SO ED.. THE GOOD PARTS OF THE NIGHT WERE ALYSSA IN MY STATION <3 HER... YEAH THATS IT ... KATIE D WASNT THERE MATT WASNT THERE AMY WASNT THERE AND HEATHER WASNT THERE TONGITH WAS HORRIBLE I JSUT WANT IT TO END AAHH... WOW I WROTE ALOT WELL OKAY IM DONE AND MY WILL BE HERE TO PICK ME UP IN A FEW SO NIGHT Current Mood: stressed
|Sunday, January 30th, 2005|
OKAY I JSUT FOUND OUT MY FRIEND JSUT GOT A TATTO AND I'M SO MAD BECUASE I WANT ONE BUT WEAR I WANT IT I CANT EERR AND SHE IS LIEK BIATCH HEHEH IM LIEK BITACH BACK HEHEH SRRY GOO D TIMES NIGHTTYY JSUT THAD TO ADD THIS HEHEHHEHEHEH Current Mood: anxious
Woke up today at 8 in the am for orientation.. wahoo.. I was really boring today.. After orientation I stayed in the computer lab until about 3 then I wnet and set tables and got the wait stations ready.. I waited on only 17 poeple tonight =( hehhe it was a nice relaxing day.. OMG Katie D., Alissa B., Amy CROMAAHHHH, And Whitsahhh are my freaking heros,,,, there so funny I switched my tabled so I could be in ther staiton so I could have a fun night and we sure did even if we all had bitchy residents its koo.. hehe yah my mom was compaining to me about how when I'm home I jsut hang out I never clean the house.. and I'm like um yea I do.. I do everythign like the laundry, the dishwasher, clean the bathroom. clean and dust the living room, clean the kitchen and mop the floors like everyday but I never do anythign aaahrrggg she makes me crazy bbllllaahahahhahahhah arg... oh yeha and If I don;t have my license in two weeks I have to find my own rides to work... shes a beast... she ows me $240 and shes like I never borowed money form I never have borrowed money form my kids.. I'm like okay you deff did katie was there you idiot.. yupp hmhh.. I am planning my B-day party even though it's in july hehheh.. I want it to be so cool he I am inviting people form the LP it will be in a hall.. It's going to be a Rocky Horror Picture SHow themed party woot woot>>night ya'lll
Question of the day--- If you were stranded on an Island and you had three wishes what would they be?¿?¿?¿? Current Mood: content
|Saturday, January 29th, 2005|
Today I had an Orientationa t work from 10-2 and I worked form 2-8 it was rough I had to wear glasses that had vasoline on them so I could see what it was like to see as a elderlie person hehe.... It was funn.. My friend Katie ait a shit load of M&M's it was funny.... I had to help with a lil girls B-day Party at my work it was kool accept there wer a ton of lil kids aaaaahhh
not funn... but after about two hours I was kidnapped and I had to wait on tables it was funn I love the LP if you hadnt already noticed... lol.. well that wasmy day ohyeha and my mom aaaarrrrggg SHE DRIVES ME CRAZY aparently im what is wrong in her life shes such a bitch I can tstand her... she cant ever be nice to me its always.. I cant even look at you you discust me aahaha... after all I do for you you have no respect.. ay right I do every thign fo rthe women I need to move out and soon!!!!
niught Current Mood: tired
|Friday, January 28th, 2005|
Oh man today was so much freakin fun I LOVE Katie D. and Alissa B. LOVE LOVE LOVE.. hehe well they were so funny at work hehe I never stopped laughing we even had a LP rol fight come on you cant tell me that is not hill_hairy_ass.. I mean come on heehhehhsrry im still laughing hehe.. wel today I started to do menu stuff at work it was kool kind of boring but I love to dl things liek that probly becuase I was in graphic arts for two and a half years and I developed a passion for it... blah blah Im kind of spastic right now... um.. I love My job IT makes so happpy WOOT WOOT LP yayayayayayayyalyeah.... so um yeha My shoulder was killing me all day at work it hurt so bad that my foot didnt hurt and I have a huge gash in it yum... and I was doing reiki on it all night too but it just wasnt halping I'll have to do it tonight.... I want ot do reiki on this girl steph at my work I want to do a distance healing on her she has lots of problems.. well nigh fo rnow I am going up stairs to watch movie no Idea what it is /... hehhe night Current Mood: bouncy